The End

Someone once told me that I would "just know" when it was time to say goodbye to Blue. I thought they were insane.

Never would I ever be ready. Never would I ever give up on him. Never would I ever say goodbye.

One day in February, I looked at Blue and I knew - deep in my heart I knew that he was only here for me. And that deep feeling didn't have anything to do with him leaning against his stall wall, or standing crooked in the field, or having to have a shot in the neck every day. It was the way he looked at me. He didn't feel well. He looked tired and weak and sad. He looked ready.

I buried my face in his long shaggy mane and cried. I told him I wasn't ready, but I promised him "no more winters." We would have a fantastic summer together, enjoy the early fall, and say goodbye before the trees lost their leaves. I made this promise as a compromise for my heart. Surely a few more months wasn't too much to ask.

Our days together became more meaningful. I took more time with his grooming. I led him outside to hand graze. He got more treats and more hugs. He left more slobber in my hair. I relished in watching him trot in the field on the first day of pasture. I loved that he didn't want to come in at night.

I knew our time was limited, but I had no idea just how limited our days would be. A few weeks ago, I noticed Blue's hindquarters were oddly marked. Like kick marks, but not. More than just "stall rub" from leaning against the wall. He had begun to stand with his front feet splayed out to make up for his weak hind end. And he would not shed out - no matter how much I brushed.

We increased his dex. I tried giving the NeuroQuel every day instead of every other day. He perked up, but physically he was still failing. One night I went to brush his hind legs and noticed blood. His hind chestnut had been rubbed off from his hocks touching when he moved. I gave him the first bath of the year and was terrified he was going to fall on me. I could not pick his feet anymore.

Just like that, my "never would I ever" turned into "just knowing." Blue wasn't just suffering. He was suffering FOR ME. Solely for me. Solely because of my resolve and my love. After all the years he gave me, it just wasn't fair to him. And I knew it.

Dr. Miller came out and the look on her face was crushing. She saw it too. I told her that I had made a decision and I dared her to talk me out of it. I wanted her to talk me out of it. I wanted her to say that there were things we could do to make his quality of life 100 times better and I didn't care what it cost.

"I respect your decision," she said.

I spent the next four days crying and feeding Blue apples. I talked to him. I told him how much he means to me. I sang to him like I used to do when we were learning to jump and I had to keep his attention on me and not the scary green box he had to jump over. I sat on the floor of his stall and let him slobber in my hair. I let him rub his big face all over my back any time he wanted.

And then it was time.

It went like all events like this should go: peacefully and quickly. Blue was entirely intent on me through the whole thing. He was looking at me. He was looking at me.

As soul crushing as it has been to lose such a big part of my life, I know in my heart that I did the right thing for Blue. It's true. One day you'll look at the animal that shares your heart and you'll know. The decision makes itself in a lot of ways. In a lot of ways, Blue made the decision for me.

I am so fortunate to have Dr. Miller to walk me through this entire journey. It is her willingness to travel treatment roads uncertain, her understanding of heart horses and their elevated life status, and her big hugs that got us through a year of uncertainty. She is a short lady with an incredibly big heart.

Dr. Ellison at Pathogenes Inc. and her passion for a deeper understanding of EPM, sidewinders, and chronic neurological diseases in horses is incredible. When you call the Pathogenes lab full of questions and scared of the answers, you talk directly with Dr. Ellison herself. She's no-nonsense, but she lets you cry a little before she gives you instructions on care and medication. She doesn't care if your horse is Grand Prix or pasture perfect: they all matter to Dr. Ellison. If you even suspect your horse may have EPM, run, don't walk, to email her. It is your horse's best chance at recovery/treatment/management. Time matters. Don't wait.

I have to say thank you to the Debs in my life. My two good friends Deb and Debby saw me through - and in some cases literally held me up - as I struggled and grappled and cried. They were there to help me measure medicines, scoop supplements, fill syringes, and dry my tears. Thank you, my dear friends.

Big thanks to my husband, who I think developed a healthy fear of me in this last year and never balked, complained or questioned the many (many) checks I wrote for the many (many) supplements, medications, vet calls, blood work, feed changes, stronger fly spray, apples, peppermints, syringes, etc. etc. etc. Your silence on the matter (and constant support) is deeply appreciated. I know you loved Big Blue in your own (from across the pasture) sort of way.

I started this blog in hopes of creating a search term for "sidewinders" as a way to help others find Dr. Ellison and as a guide for all the big and little things we managed and life hacked in the treatment of EPM and sidewinders. It worked. More and more people find this blog every day as they search for answers. If you're in that search now, I hope your find what you're looking for, and I hope all the best for you and for your heart horse. Know that every single thing you do, every dollar you spend, every treatment option that doesn't work, every treatment option that does work, every time they decide they aren't going to eat the supplement you just bought, every time they wobble as they walk away from you, every video you send to your incredibly patient vet, every sleepless night you spend searching the internet for answers, every hard decision you make - you are doing the right thing. Every part of the journey is worth it for them. Hug them tight. Feed them extra apples. Let them rub their big faces on your back. Buy a lot of maple syrup. It's worth it. I promise.

Trot on

It's still snowing here, but somehow also muddy in a way that only happens here in Ohio. Blue is itching to stretch his legs, and I'm in love with how much he wants to move. He only has our little indoor arena, but he bucks and runs every time I let him out.

In fact, the old fart RAN ME OVER last week! Legitimately ran me over. I took the opportunity to take this video of him as he trotted off. Not. Too. Shabby.

Trot on, Old Blue.

Sideways, but still here

I'm happy to report that while we are still living a bit of a sideways life at Blue Nile Farm, we are all still here.
There have been a few medication changes, but life in muddy, sometimes snowy, sometimes balmy northeast Ohio continues.
First, we tried playing with Blue's medications. The dex is great and it works, but it isn't meant for long-term use. Can we cut it? We gave him half doses every day for a week and a half and he started walking sideways and leaning on his stall wall for support at night.
Ok, So instead of 2.5 and instead of 1.5, let's do 2 and see how that goes.
And it worked. Not our goal of cutting it in half, but you have to live life. I will not cut the NeuroQuel. Going from four days a week to three has Old Blue walking sideways. We are dependent on it, and that's ok.
We did make a few dietary changes in the last month. He was picking out the senior feed from the sweet feed in his bin every day, so we removed the sweet feed altogether. I added an Omega 3 supplement to take the place of the corn oil he hated.
He still gets plenty of Walmart brand maple syrup (family size bottle!) over every dinner, because it makes the medicine go down.
Blue LOVES his beet pulp (properly soaked to prevent choking). He gets this once a day always and sometimes twice if he's begging. We can tell when he wants it, because he'll stand in front of his hay rack and just look at the hay. His teeth as they are, he can't quite chew it up like he used to. The beet pulp lets him munch on something filling and takes the place of some of the roughage.
Speaking of roughage: Cowboy Brad (who owns the barn) has taken up the business of re-baling round bales into square bales. This makes me chuckle a little, as I remember my teenage summer days (always the hottest freaking days of the year) helping my dad bale squares and rounds in the fields. Never could you ever convince me that hay should be baled twice. Lol.
Anyway, the most tender bits of the hay fall through the re-baler. We gather these nutrient-rich bits up like thieves in the night and fill a big feed tub in Blue's stall. It's like pre-munched hay.
As for his attitude, Blue goes out in the arena with his band of geriatric oldies but goodies every day, and they run and chase each other like grandpas with walkers. He gets down to roll (and back up!) with no problem. That back hind leg is still "kicked out" in that sidewinders way, but it doesn't seem weaker. When he trots off, he looks good. His beloved horse cookies are officially too hard for him to chew, though.
He's happy to see the kids, and he nearly went through his stall door yesterday when he saw me giving a barnmate a half an apple (I'm Blue's mother and I belong to Blue. That apparently goes for all the apples I bring with me, too).
Life plods on, however sideways. Blue is still here with me, and I am forever grateful.
Here's a very shaky video taken my my 10-year-old daughter. At the very, very, very end, you can see Blue trot off a bit.

Where to even begin?

My brain is so full of everything that has happened in the last few months that I hardly know where to begin this blog post.

About a month after our successful Oroquin treatment, Blue began showing signs of illness again. He was standing sideways at the hay feeder again, and started slipping from he sheath off and on. He also started leaning on his stall wall at night, and standing with that "kicked out" hind leg.

Dr. Ellison at Pathogens gave me a stern talking to over the phone. Blue is not "cured," no matter how successful to Oroquin treatment. A course of Levamisole (NeuroQuel) was prescribed to help shore him up. After the two week dose was over, he needed another round, then a round to every other day. Every time we tried to wean him off of it, he would relapse. I resigned myself (quite happily) to the idea that he would just have to be on an every-other-day dose for the rest of forever. At $60 a month, NeuroQuel is affordable into the forever, and it worked.

And then...

It stopped working. Well, I mean that the NeuroQuel was not nearly as effective. I don't know if it stopped working because I am too terrified to take him off of it. I called Dr. Ellison again (Blue's mom on line 2 again!) Again, she talked me down off the wall. It's chronic, sure, but manageable. Let's try dexamethasone orally and see how it goes.

Orally, the dex is not really working, either.

In the middle of all this fun and games, Blue got kicked in a pretty real way. The inside of his right hind was in bad shape - pretty swollen and with a big superficial wound. Dr. Miller (always on speed dial) set us up with SMZ and bute to get him through it, as he was injured in the leg that is already an issue. Also, dexamethasone can hinder healing in immune-deficient animals. And I'm pretty terrified of what an infection would mean for Old Blue.

So we became a hospital once again, devising a clever system of jelly jars, dry erase markers, maple syrup and a coffee grinder to get Blue to eat everything. The meds schedule was like quantum mathematics - every other day on alternating days for the levamisole and dex, every day for bute and U-guard, twice a day for SMZ and vitamin E.

After his wound had healed and he was back to walking better (yet still tilted), Dr. Miller suggested we switch to dexamethasone shots for better absorption, and I agreed.

Also, as a fun aside, dex causes gastro issues including ulcers and can cause a horse to lose weight pretty dramatically. Convinced of the worst, I bought another tub of U-Guard and ran to the feed store to get some beet pulp with molasses.

And so, here it is - Blue's medication schedule (don't tell my husband how much this all costs).
1. Levamisole tablet (NeuroQuel) every other day.
2. 2.5 ml (That's 10 mg) of dexamethasone by injection every alternating day.
3. Two scoops of U-Guard every day
4. Two scoops (10,000 IU) of vitamin E every day.
maple syrup to make the medicine go down.
5. 1 pound (building up to 2 pounds) of soaked beet pulp every day.
6. 1/2 cup corn oil once a day to maintain weight (may go up to 1 cup and may switch to an oil lower in Omega 6 and higher in Omega 3).

I also learned how to give a horse a shot and Blue, to his credit, was a very good patient about it.

He got his first dex shot last night. I am not brave enough to ask Dr, Miller what happens if the dex simply does not work. Part of me just doesn't want to know.

Signs of trouble

It's been a pretty blissful month at Blue Nile Farm. Blue gained strength and weight following the levamisole treatment, and began enjoying his summer days dozing in his stall and the warm nights outside with his herd. Lots of treats, lots of love, lots of flyspray.

But then...

We noticed Blue was standing sideways at the hay feeder again. And that right hind leg was kicked out again. And maybe he's more tilted than he was just a week ago.

My heart sank into my stomach and I felt sick. There is only one reason for all of this, and it's neurological.

My vet gave me some Dex shots and I'm simply beside myself. I always knew relapse was possible, but I did not know it was possible within a little more than a month of end of treatment.

Troubles linger

I decided that Blue would do well with some focused exercise, and so I let Emily ride him at the walk yesterday. I don't know what I was hoping for.

Blue was very stiff - and we didn't do anything but walk, but he seemed to get very tired, very fast. His feet were trimmed the day before, and that seemed to help with the toe dragging until he got tired at the end. I would say that Emily rode at the walk (In big figure 8's) for about 15 minutes:

Waiting on Levamisole

Post-Oroquin, we are waiting on the delivery of Levamisole.

Levamisole is sort of an old-school drug, used years ago by sheep ranchers to deworm the flock. So how does it help Bluehorse?

Dr. Ellison writes:
"The anti-protozoal drug deciquinate was effective as shown by a reduction in titer post treatment in this study. The marked improvement in clinical signs may be partially due to the effects of levamisole as an immune midulator or effects on other neurobiological mechanisms. One such effect is the possiblity that S. neurona or the immune response to the organism damages some upper motor neuron function that is responsive to levamisole therapy."

You can read the full paper here: http://www.jarvm.com/articles/Vol10Iss1/Ellison.pdf

So basically this support medication could potentially help Blue even more. Like I said before, no complaints about Blue's incredible improvement - but there are lingering issues that I would love to see resolved. My fears about relapse are very real. If the levamisole can clear up just a few of Blue's issues - stiffness, ongoing weakness, awkward rear-end stance - then let's do it.

We are waiting on the drug now, then it will be 14 days of trying to get Blue to eat it.

Take a look at this

I wasn't going to post a video today (though I took one out of habit) but I simply had to share this: my EPM horse, off Oroquin by one day, off to join his herd in the back pasture:

Oroquin 10 - Day 10

I'm looking at a different horse than I had 10 days ago.

10 days ago I stood in the barn and cried, certain that I was going to lose my Blue, my "once in a lifetime horse" to EPM. Today he goes out with his herd at night, he gets down to roll with no problems, he trots after my kids and nickers for the apples he knows are in their pockets. He gets sassy when he doesn't want to do something. He's interested in life again.

What we have here is nothing short of a miracle.

But that leaves us with many questions still unanswered - how much damage was done to his Central Nervous System? How much of that damage is permanent? What can we do to help the healing of those nerve passageways? When can we start, and how can we start, helping him gain his strength back in his hind end?

And *gulp* what about possible relapse?

Putting all those questions aside for just one more day, we can look at the overwhelming benefits of the Oroquin and see success. Blue is no longer walking "death circles." He is straighter, for sure. He is still awkward in his hind end, but certainly no longer "tilted." He trots.

While he was never really depressed, his mood is elevated again. He is happy to see me and the children. He calls for his friends in the field. He looks through his stall door with clear, interested eyes. I texted my vet on Day 5 - "I have Blue back!"

He is bright and alert and seems happy. He is also so much "straighter" than he was. There was a time before the Oroquin when we could barely get Blue into his still because he was so crooked that his shoulder and hip had to fit through the door at the same time.

And I mean that with my whole heart.

Of course, all is not perfect. He seems to still not know exactly where his hind feet are. I catch him standing awkwardly all the time, one foot crossed over the other, standing almost clubfooted at times. And he still stands with his right hind leg "kicked out," though it is much less dramatic than it had been. The toe-dragging has not resolved, to the point where we are going to have to do something to help his hooves if it continues. He was dropped from his sheath when I walked up to his stall today.
Here are his Day 10 hind end pic:

My 10-year-old daughter and I were talking about Blue this morning. She has been anxious about his condition, and wanted to know if I thought she would ever be able to ride him bareback at the walk again.

My words caught in my throat when I told her how sick Blue has been, and how I know we almost lost him. It gives me a healthy dose of perspective. If this is our final result, I am overwhelmingly grateful.

Here is our Day 10 video:

And for reference, here is the video of Blue doing circles the day before treatment started. What a difference!

Oroquin 10 -Day 9

Not much to say today either way. Blue looks no better or worse on Day 9 than on Day 8. There are certainly plenty of things to worry about, but I'm really just trying to stay positive.

I am thinking a bit about rehabilitation. I wouldn't usually worry about this (Blue is a pasture puff, and that's all he needs to be) but he still drags the one back toe pretty badly, and strengthening his hind end (especially in case of a relapse) is especially important. I'm not sure how to even start this. I don't want him trotting circles, and we live in flat Ohio - no hills to walk up.

He goes out all night with his herd and gets a bit of exercise that way. My daughter, Emily, has volunteered to walk him bareback in figure eights in the arena to build him up a bit. To be honest, Emily's imagination is fueled by my stories of jumping and competing on Blue, and her eyes got wide when I showed her our box of show ribbons and photos of us in our younger days. She is desperate to ride Blue, even just bareback at the walk.

As for Bluehorse, he is happier and healthier than he has been in nearly a year. I have some big decisions to make to keep him that way. Vaccinations, worming, season changes, herd changes - all can cause enough stress to throw him into relapse. Constant vigilance.

Here is our video of the day

Here's that parked-out stance that has me so worried:

Oroquin 10 - Day 8

Much improvement in Blue's mood today. I stopped by the barn this morning to lay eyes on him - much more for me than for him. He was alert and happy to see me (and the apples I brought). He didn't seem overly tired.

Here's a pic of his handsome self letting me know that I made the right decision for him last night:

I came back this evening to see him, and he was again almost hyper-focused on me. Clark came with me tonight and spent some time loving on Bluehorse.

Let's just say we have to work on the subtleties of horsemanship. Good boy, Blue.

Ok, down to business. The video of the day shows the same toe dragging and a continued reluctance to move forward. Again, this almost doesn't matter for my Blue - his job is to be happy and healthy - but after such an incredible Day 5, the major concern is regression and/or relapse.

Here's the video:

A big shout out to my vet today. I've been filling texts with videos and commentary on dropping out of sheath and every other panic attack that comes along. Thanks to Emily for being there for Blue and for me. Nothing about the last few weeks has been easy. 

Speaking of, we discussed the lemavisole today. I believe Blue will be on it for 14 days following the end of the Oroquin treatment. I need to look into this more - I have been so focused on the Oroquin treatment that I have hardly looked past Day 10.

I almost forgot: here are our hind end pics of the day. First, this one of him standing very oddly - still like he isn't sure where his feet are or at least that he doesn't understand that this foot placement should be uncomfortable or awkward. This is very concerning to me:

Here is a pic of him standing just after he stopped trotting:

Oroquin 10 - Day 7

Not the best day for Bluehorse.

First I noticed that he was leaning against the stall wall again. I fed him his grain and he ate it, but was almost disinterested and depressed when I put him out in the arena to walk. He was also dragging both hind toes.

Here's the hind end tilt shots of the day:

His girlfriend started feeling the affects of being cooped up in a stall for so long, and needed to be out tonight. Blue stood at the arena door and just looked out over the field. He didn't call, and he was happy for the love of Emily and her best friend, but he looked sad.

Executive decision: Blue gets to spend the night outside with his friends. This is a big decision and I didn't come to it lightly.
First, I don't want him to be the only one in the barn. I could tell that would stress him out. But I also didn't want him to be outside in the middle of the night and become overly exhausted, especially with a less than awesome mood/movement report from me.
After some deliberation, I decided to leave him out with his herd because I think he will be less stressed outside than inside. I bet I don't sleep a wink tonight.

Oroquin 10 - Day 6

Blue is still improving, and he seems happy to pick up the trot in both directions.

A few observations:

Blue is no longer leaning on his stall wall for support at all

I had stopped feeding Blue his favorite cookies because his bite was weak. Now he crunches them with no problem.

He is still dragging his right hind toe pretty noticeably.

Still kicking out that right hind leg when at rest.

But my goodness, what a difference in my horse, huh? I wonder if the toe dragging isn't weakness from lack of use more so than from the EPM. No matter - this is far more results than I ever could have asked for. 

Here's today's video showing the toe drag, but you will notice that I say "whoa" many times here and he just ignores me. Bluehorse is on the move! I purposely moved him in the opposite direction as yesterday, and he is a lot more stiff tracking this way.

And a shot of his hind tilt:

And a shot of his pretty face!

Oroquin 10 - Day 5

I can't begin to say how much stronger and more balanced Blue is day over day. He nickered to us as we walked up to his stall this afternoon, and I put him in the arena and left him to see what he would do on his own.
With just a little urging, he picked up a trot and kept it up for more than a minute! Just happily trotting around the arena.

As I prepared his food and medicine, I left my 10-year-old daughter in the arena with Blue. This is the first time in a month that I have felt confident enough for her to be so close to him.

Even 2-year-old Clark got in on the fun by helping mix Blue's feed and adding treats on top:

No pic from behind tonight - Blue wasn't being overly cooperative about it and I had to keep an eye on Clark, who has not figured out that horses are bigger than he is.

I still don't know for sure if the Oroquin is the cause of this major turnaround, if the effects will last for Blue, or if he has any permanent central nervous system damage. But I do know that today was wonderful. It was absolutely wonderful to have my horse back - to play with and share him with my children.
This was the "Day 5" I dreamed of having.

Here are our Day 5 Horse Selfies:

Oroquin 10 - Day 4

AM: Happy Memorial Day! Blue decided to lead me on quite an adventure this morning. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
First, I was super happy to see that he is FILTHY on one side - must have slept well!

Today Blue looks stronger and more certain of his feet. As you can see, he still stands with his right hind "kicked out," but that left hind is able to compensate for the most part.

Here his is walking. So far, he has had four doses of Oroquin 10.

Remember, though, that he also got a shot of Dex last night. On one hand, I am grateful for the Dex because if there is inflammation from the parasites dying, he isn't feeling it much. However, it makes you wonder - what is helping, the Oroquin or the Dex?

Because he was so excited about the three blades of grass he found growing in the indoor arena, I took him outside for some hand grazing. Blue has figured out that I absolutely hate to tug on his head. So I let him lead me this way and that way, and I try not to direct him too sharply for fear of unbalancing him.

HOWEVER, my horse is nobody's fool, and he figured out that if he puts his head down and turns a circle, I won't pull on his face. This often puts me in an awkward position. Today was no exception. He did this right up against the equipment barn, leaving me behind him and unable to reach around.

So I dropped the rope and went to move around AND BLUE RAN OFF!

That's right. Trotted right off without a look behind him, dragging his leadrope with him. I figured he would just go to the grass, but no. He trotted down the grassy lane and then BACK and finally let me catch him by the manure pile.

I didn't get a picture en chase, but here is a photo after I captured him.

He doesn't look sorry.

I thought I was having a heart attack. What a morning.

And he had the nerve to be mad at me when I caught him and stuck him back in his stall - here's a shot of him ignoring my offer of a cookie.

Worry not. His adventurous spirit is greater than his pride - it didn't take long for him to eat his cookie.

A list of EPM symptoms, and some advice from me to you

I had noticed something odd about Blue for awhile now, but never put two and two together until last night.
Very often when I walk up to Blue's stall, he has dropped from his sheath. I noticed several months ago that he was doing this more often, but if I couldn't find any information about sidewinders in horses, I certainly wasn't going to find anything about sidewinders in horses with the symptom of dropping out of his sheath.
I've always been pretty good about cleaning his sheath, but I haven't done it in awhile, mostly because of the mandate that no one be too "under" Blue for fear of him falling on us.
Yesterday when I walked up to his stall in the morning, he had dropped. I always leave him be when I see this, because when you gotta go, you gotta go.
Last night when I went to check on his hay, I noticed he had dropped again. And something clicked in my head. Could this be yet another neurological symptom?
I can't find much on it, but I think it's worth mentioning here, because this is something I noticed before he came in from the field crab walking last year. If it is a sign of neurological issues, I wish I had known about it then.
Here is my list of Blue's EPM/Sidewinders symptoms:
Crab walking
Turning circles
Non-directional, unable to move in the intended direction
ataxia/weakness in the hind end
depression/lethargy
misshapen hooves from unusual wear patterns
dropping from his sheath
tilted hind end
uneven muscle deterioration in the hind end
kicking out his right hind leg when resting
uncommonly bothered by flies
leaning on the hay feeder and his stall wall

Blue never lost his appetite, always drank his water, seemed mostly happy most of the time, and when not stressed, would even canter and trot with his buddies in the field.

I would say that if you even suspect EPM or a neurological issue in your horse, call your vet and ask for the ELISA test and Oroquin prescription. For under $300 you can definitively know BEFORE your horse suffers permanent damage to its Central Nervous System. Had I been educated on any of this in Nov. 2015, I could have prevented so much of Blue's suffering and sidestepped some of the bigger hurdles I think we might encounter in his rehabilitation.
Oroquin 10 is affordable, accessible, has no side effects, and easy to feed if your horse isn't Blue :(
If I could take the time machine back to Nov. 2015, I would have done all of these things immediately and saved us both a lot of heartache.
As I write this, I still don't know if Oroquin 10 will save my horse, but I am hopeful. I am grateful to Dr. Ellison and my vet for giving me this last-ditch option for him. I read blog posts and articles about "returning a horse to work" after EPM, and "getting your whole horse back in 10 days." But the truth of the matter is that so many people are like me - with an elderly heart horse who means the world, a horse that will never be ridden again, will never show. A horse that holds their world right-side-up just by being healthy and happy in the pasture. I know there are people like me who happily write the monthly board check for a horse who is the cornerstone of their lives - no saddles needed.
How amazing that this drug is available for the performance horses and the heart horses alike.
If you are reading this because you suspect your horse is having a neurological issue, stop reading and call your vet. You have so much to gain and so little to lose.

Oroquin 10 - Day 3

AM: Blue spooked a little as I walked up to his stall this morning. His hair showed a sweat pattern at his chest and flanks - even though he had a cool bath in the evening, it had cooled down significantly due to thunderstorms rolling through the area, and his box fan was on all night.

He was done eating breakfast, so I slid on his halter and took him out to the field to graze a little. He was head-in-the-air interested in getting out there and even jigged a little. At first he was more interested in moving around and looking at everything, but eventually decided the clover should be his priority.

Again the flies were relentless. Blue was more bothered by them than usual, even though he was well sprayed down before we went out.

I decided to stick him in the arena to walk a little, just because he seemed so on edge. He immediately trotted over to the open door, and had a little trot and then rolled. He got down right away to roll, and then looked like he was going to roll on the other side, went down to his knees and decided against it. This is something I have NEVER seen him do in the 20 years we have been together.

There is a feeling deep inside me that says this is go time. I think something is starting to happen inside my horse. I'm grateful that we put him on the Dex (get gets another shot tonight) to help control the inflammation as the parasites die and his body works to expel them.

Here is an AM video. As you can see, lots more energy and while his gait is pretty wild, he has no problem moving forward. The "tilt" is better and he seems a lot less crooked.

PM: Blue was much calmer this afternoon. I spent about 45 minutes brushing him with a soft brush and feeding him treats. He was almost hyper-focused on me. The rest of the barn was quiet. He whiffled in my hair and turned his neck to watch everything I was doing. He nuzzled my pockets for treats and licked my hands. I decided not to take him out of his stall after that. He seemed content and calm, and I didn't want to disturb that.

Also a note: I think he laid down to rest today. He had several stains on his side and rump that suggest that he slept in his stall in the late morning or early afternoon. This is significant because my vet believes Blue was suffering from sleep deprivation from not being able to get down. Little victories.

Oroquin 10 - Day 2

AM: Major change in mood today for Bluehorse. He nickered at me as soon as I came into the barn and wanted his treats. I slipped his halter on and took him out to hand graze.

Shock of my life - he trotted past me to get to the clover. He was moving around quite a bit on his own out there, and he looked... Happy.

The flies and gnats are out in full force at 9 am here, and while I of course remembered to spritz him, the bugs were eating me alive, so we came back in.

I have holiday weekend plans this afternoon, but I intend to come out this evening to give Blue a nice bath and some more hand grazing after the sun goes down.

No video this morning - I was just trying to keep up!

PM: Blue was full of himself tonight, dragging me around and being contrary. But he was alert and happy, and I gave him a bath that I don't think he fully appreciates :)
I notice that he still stands very tilted in the hind, but he no longer looks quite as precarious. He walks with purpose and he can get where he wants to go.
The flies here are horrible already, and I am using an incredible amount of flyspray. I'm going to put the spot fly treatment on tomorrow. (hence the bath)
Blue does seem to get tired quickly. He was filthy dirty, and by the time I had sufficiently sudsed him up and rinsed him off, he was showing signs of exhaustion. He returned to his stall and box fan happily.

OH - and note on the Oroquin today. Tonight was Dose 3. I still had the maple syrup covered feed that he had objected to on Dose 1, and I wanted to see if I could convince him of its deliciousness. Today, without coercion or violence, he happily ate every single grain of it.

Because clearly Bluehorse runs the show around here :)

Not much of a video today. Blue was more interested in following me around than walking out like a good boy. But I think this shows the increased balance I'm noticing:

Oroquin 10 - Day 1

AM: We gave Blue his dose on Thursday night, and I went to the barn Friday morning (today) to lay eyes on him. I know in my heart and in my head that we won't see any improvement until Day 5. But I peeped in on him and he perked up to see me.

I grabbed a brush and dusted him off. I did not try to pick his hooves because he is so very, very off balance. I brushed his long mane and tail (when we were showing, that mane was so short! I love it long in his retirement, though). I sprayed him with more flyspray, and fed him his favorite peppermints. He nuzzled at me, and though his movements weren't any better or any more stable, he was super interested in what I was doing and seemed happier and perkier.

I'm betting it was the Dex that helped most.

PM: He was an even happier horse this evening. He is walking no better, but he isn't doing circles and he actually got down and rolled and had only a little trouble getting back up. I credit the Dex. He also drank two buckets of water today.

Here is a photo of his "tilted" stance:

 Here is a video of him walking crooked :

And here he is rolling and getting up. As tilted and weak as he is in his hind end, I'm stunned that he could do it:

The Oroquin has arrived

One look at these huge pills and I knew Blue was going to, as we say in the horse world, Have None Of It.

20 years with a horse will give you this kind of insight and foreshadowing.

We crushed up the pills and stuck it in some feed. I poured some syrup over it and mixed it well, letting it soak up the powder. And I fed it to Blue.

And he sniffed it, and looked at it, and stepped in it. He flipped over the feed tub. I put treats in it, so he picked all those out and flipped the tub again.

Thanks, Blue.

Eventually we gave up on the camouflaged powder in the feed trick and dissolved another two pills in some water (ground up first, not water soluble) and put it in a dose syringe. And Brad the Barn Owner (or Cowboy Brad, as my kids call him) did the deed.

I scooped up the refused feed and I hope to put it in his regular feed little by little so he gets the dose. If he still refuses, I'll ask my vet about the possibility of getting just one dose.

Nothing about EPM is easy! Ugh!

This is the face of an old, spoiled horse who refuses to eat his life-saving medicine: